I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Randomize
