The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
