Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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