Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
