I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
