I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
