Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
