i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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