I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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