I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
