I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
