talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
