How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
