Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
