I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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