normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
