A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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