literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
