She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
