I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
