I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
