I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
