turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
