OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
