Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
