thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
