Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
