Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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