Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
