oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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