turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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