I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
