just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
