i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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