FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just found puke in my bra..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
