I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
there is puke in my bra ... again
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