I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
