True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
