apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
