and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
