Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
