I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
