You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
