I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
