someone get that fucking seahorse.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
there's paper in my vomit.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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