my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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