hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
