that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
