My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
