he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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