she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
