Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
